No. 1 - "The Lucky Ones"...

(Originally written around 9th December 1998)

In the good old days B.C. (before City), I never paid any attention to superstitions and good luck charms, particularly in relation to football. You know the sort of thing, a player will always put his right sock on first, then his shirt, cross himself half-a-dozen times before putting on his left sock and complete getting ready for kick-off. Anyway, after supporting Bradford City for far too long, I realized that it was my duty to help improve the team by any means possible. So I abandoned my skepticism, and decided to adopt a “lucky charm” to help our gallant boys on the pitch.

So far this was the easy part, if watching City can ever be described as easy. The difficulty lay in what to choose as my special item. I immediately ruled out the obvious things such as four leafed clovers, rabbits feet and horse shoes – if items are indeed lucky, surely there is only a limited supply of luck – and I reasoned that because these items were so common that any powers held in them would be all used up by now. I told you that I have been supporting City far too long! What to choose was a dilemma. I spent all the summer of 1990 discarding various choices, as the items in question didn’t have that ‘special feel’, or if you prefer – aura.

Early in the season (1990-1991) my wife, Sarah, and I took a short break in The Lakes to celebrate our second wedding anniversary. It was on this trip that I saw it. It called to me across the waters, it shone like a shiny thing, it filled me with joy and hope. It looked like a hat. The reason it looked like a hat was because that’s what it was. Perched triumphantly on one of those polystyrene heads, and proudly displayed in the window of a specialist mountain clothing shop. It ensnared me with its power, I knew I had to have it, had to wear it, had to take it to Valley Parade, had to let the World see it’s glory. Also, I knew I had to convince Sarah to let me part with the best part of twenty quid for it.

But, although I had started to show signs of severe mental imbalances due to my dedication to City, I had enough clarity of mind to choose to marry a very understanding, and indeed gorgeously lovely girl. She said yes, I could buy it. I still don’t know if Sarah fully appreciated how "The ‘Lucky Hat" would help City – but she knew I believed in it, and that was enough for her. Plus, she said it would have to be my anniversary present from her. Hey-hoe.

The Lucky Hat was a truly wondrous thing. For one thing it was spelt in capital letters – THE LUCKY HAT. It was also stylish and chic, with a smart black finish, offset by a discreet and delicate logo on the front. But more, much more than this, it had flaps to protect your ears from ravages of winters stood on the Kop. These flaps (imagine a Sherlock Holmes type Deerstalker), could be snugly secured under your chin, or tied jauntily on top of your head. And to finish, it was made of that fleece material that they make jackets from. The whole effect was of a quality piece of headgear, which gave its wearer a fashionable air. I’m sure you’ll agree from my description that it was the perfect lucky charm.

So, off to Valley Parade, my spiritual home, to let it work its wonders. A Division Three home game against Swansea City on 22nd September. The Lucky Hat had a great reception from our usual mob on the Kop. You could tell that they were overcome with emotion and a sense of wonder by the tears of joy they shed when they saw it. Their faces lit up with smiles of delight as they realized they were in the presence of a potent good luck charm. The Lucky Hat worked a treat and fulfilled all my hopes. However, it appears that the City players on the day were not enlightened enough to the benefits of The Lucky Hat, as they proceeded to lose 1-0 to a 58th minute goal. I considered this a temporary setback, as obviously the Great Weasel (John Docherty) had so affected the players minds that they could think of just one thing – “hoof that ball”.

Undaunted, I returned to VP for out next game. The Lucky Hat was simply sensational as we beat Chester City 2-1, with one of my all-time favourite City players, Mark “Zico” Leonard scoring the winner. The boys on the Kop were unanimous, the Lucky Hat was a true hero! How they wished to own my hat, but it was mine, all mine. The season was not too spectacular, we missed out on the play-offs by just 3 points and only one place, but my Lucky Hat talisman ensured we all had great memories: Robbie James scoring a thunderous 40 yarder at Rotherham United, Phil Babb pushed up a makeshift striker and scoring 10 goals, and Steve Torpey getting a hat-trick against Hartlepool United in the Leyland DAF Cup. Thank you Lucky Hat!

Now, I know that some of you are thinking, “If The Lucky Hat was so good, why aren’t City in the Premier League and competing in Europe?” Well, I’m very saddened to say, The Lucky Hat is missing! I had 18 months with my Lucky Hat, and then it simply disappeared, it vanished without a trace. The Police have been unable, (due to the fact they haven’t tried hard enough I’m sure), to locate it. All attempts to trace it have failed. But the answer is obvious! The Lucky Hat went missing around the same time that Manchester United started to win the Championship again after 30 years of trying. Most people put this down to Eric Cantona signing for them, but I know the truth. It would appear that whilst at L***s united, Cantona heard about The Lucky Hat, and was bewitched by the prospect of using it for his own wicked aims. He kidnapped it, and I’m ashamed to say, used its powers to help the "Unclean Ones" to win the Championship before smuggling it across The Pennines to Old Trafford. Here, he once again used it for evil purposes as Alex Fergusons’ boys swept to undreamt glories.

Of course, it is entirely possible that my wife may have tired of me looking a prat whilst wearing it, and simply binned it. I wonder, could she have done such a terrible thing? I’m being silly, how could Sarah do that to me. It had to have been Cantona.

I must go now. They have rung the bell for dinner, and Sarah will be visiting soon. I’ll write again when I get new supplies of crayons…

Kramer